The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (56)

Indeed, Sumantri himself has been secretly hiding for a long time his guilty feeling, why should he be ashamed of his younger brother at a time when he has to serve as a knight? This is the wound that is hidden in his heart. And Begawan Swandagni feels the wound will increasingly hurt him if he touches it. But how long can he hide this sadness in his heart? Finally, he can no longer hold back the sadness, and expresses it to Sumantri.

"Sumantri, why are you ashamed to ask your ugly younger brother to accompany you?"

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Sumantri is not surprised to hear his father's remark. He himself has been tormented by that question for a long time. He loves his younger brother very much, and by loving his younger brother, he can increasingly show his love for his father. But on the other hand, he also feels honest and obliged to fulfill his ideals to serve as a knight. Surprisingly, the two things cannot be reconciled in his heart. These two things are separate from each other. Both are true, but the truth denies each other. If he forces to put them together, he will only fail. He is faced with a choice that is not easy. But like it or not now he has to choose one of them.

"Father, I will go without asking my younger brother to go with me." In the end, that is the choice he makes.

“Why do you have the heart to do that, my son,” says Begawan Swandagni pitifully.

So he feels guilty, if he hinders his departure. Like it or not, now he has to let him go.

For a moment Sumantri is in doubt again. But quickly he realizes his anxiety will not go away if he reverses his decision. Begawan Swandagni reads his son's conflict in his heart. He thinks it will only hurt his son more if he pitifully keeps trying to stop him. So he feels guilty, if he hinders his departure. Like it or not, now he has to let him go.

"All right Sumantri, strengthen your intention to go. However, what should I say to your younger brother, Sukrosono, when he asks about you later?”

"Father, you have every way to comfort him, so that without me, he will be willing stay in Jatisrana."

Sumantri realizes that his words are not true. He knows that without him, his younger brother will not be happy living in Jatisrana, and he will definitely go to look for him. For a long time he has been confused, and silent. Thankfully, he found the words somewhat reassuring: “Father, don't doubt me, as

if I have the heart to leave you and my younger brother. Trust me, after my service in Maespati is accepted, I will return to Jatisrana, and pick up Sukrosono, to take him away.”

He just follows his feelings, and there he sank deeper, together with the sound of the birds returning to their nests.

"Is that really going to happen, Sumantri?" Begawan Swandagni seems not to believe that Sumantri will keep his promise. But he also does not want Sumantri to answer the question. Immediately he dismisses his doubts. He turns to the outside, red clouds are coming in layers. The wind blows slowly, forcing the asoka flowers to fall, the red strands are scattered on the ground. Twilight also gives its red color. The twilight seems to invite Begawan Swandagni to go away, out of nowhere. It is Sumantri who is about to depart, why is he suddenly gripped by feelings as though it is him who will go forever. He just follows his feelings, and there he sank deeper, together with the sound of the birds returning to their nests.

"Sumantri, when are you going to leave?" Begawan Swandagni breaks his own silence.

"As soon as possible, father. Before Sukrosono returns." Sumantri replies, as though he has no time left.

"All right, son, go and clean yourself up. And tonight I will wait for you at the meditation shrine," says Begawan Swandagni sincerely.

Before dusk disappears, Sumantri has arrived at the reed shower to take a bath. Will this be the last time for him to bath in this shower? He feels not to be comfortable when thinking about it. But he is unable to drive the question away. And he himself does not know how to answer it. Even all the beautiful memories swirl in front of him. This was where he reunited with his younger brother. And at that moment, he felt as though he had found a part of him that had been missing for a long time. Will his departure take away what he has long wanted to find? The water from the bamboo reed shower falls on him, then continues to disappear in its flow, the sound of the current seems to answer, is there anything in life that can be held and then not lost? "No my younger brother, it is impossible for me to leave you," says Sumantri in a determined heart. In the distance, there is a mournful sound of a tuhu bird, doubting, is it possible in this world for people to be able to be loyal. Dusk has disappeared into the night. Sumantri immediately leaves the bamboo reed shower, rushing to the meditation shrine, where his father is waiting.

"Sumantri, make yourself quiet," orders Begawan Swandagni.

All of that will be meaningless and powerless, if you do not keep your dharma as a human, let alone now when you want to become a knight.

"I have given you everything I have, my son. I don't have anything anymore. I have poured all knowledge, meditation, concerns and my ascetic practices to you, becoming your knowledge and magical power. All of that will be meaningless and powerless, if you do not keep your dharma as a human, let alone now when you want to become a knight."

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Begawan Swandagni pauses, pouring incense on the sacred fireplace. The fragrance of aromatic incense spreads in the meditation shrine. "Know Sumantri, being a priest is much easier than being a knight. By becoming a priest, you give up your power. On the other hand, by becoming a knight, you seek power. Once you are seized by power, you will no longer be released. It will make you greedy. You cannot feel it, because greed gives you immeasurable favors. Without being felt, because of being in power, your whole being can become greedy. As soon as you become lust, your consciousness immediately disappears. You will no longer know whether or not what you do is right. You only know how enjoyable the lust is!”

(This article was translated by Hyginus Hardoyo).