Without Sukrosono, he is nothing. But why does he just dump him? Sukrosono has brought him his dream of becoming the chief knight. But why has he been ashamed to admit him as his little brother with the demon face since he has been on the path of chivalry? Can it be that the gentle, handsome and noble knight really doesn't want and is not willing to meet anyone who is as ugly as a demon? If so, he thinks, chivalry is all wrong, for it excludes love. He believes that chivalry is the reason why he does not want to accept his younger brother. Therefore, as Darmawati said, it might be better for him to return to Jatisrana, and live in peace with his younger brother there. He forces himself to recall his beautiful life in Jatisrana, when he and his younger brother were allowed to love each other.
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The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (121)
The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (120)
If now Sukrosono is not with him, it is simply his fault. But the memories don't want to come to him. He forces the memories to come, with him singing the song “Look at that kepodang bird.” But those memories do not want to come. Even when he forces himself to dream of holding his younger brother in his lap, he only feels emptiness in his lap. Has his younger brother really disappeared, so that even his dreams won't come? Is this due to his noble path of chivalry, which rejects humiliation? He hates it, and wants to get off the path. But at that moment the kepodang birds sing: Sumantri, there is neither wrong nor right path, but right or wrong, there is always a dagger in your own heart. And the more restless he is in his heart, the louder the kepodang birds sing in the tops of the gandasuli trees: Sumantri, in your heart there is a small life that wants to grow, but you always try to kill it with your dagger. The kepodang birds then become quiet, and fly away.
He feels he has been driven away from the path of chivalry, which has led him astray because of his arrogance.
Sumantri feels that something is really missing from his lap. He is left alone and asks, what is really the dagger? Is it the Cakrabaskara heirloom that he always carries on the path of his chivalry? He feels uncertain. And he sees the yellow gandasuli flowers. He plucks one of the flowers, and in his hand the flower turns deathly pale. Weakly the pale flower seems to tell him, the dagger is your own arrogance. Sumantri is relieved, because now he realizes what misleads him. On any path, as well as on the ascetic path, he can get lost because of his arrogance. Let alone on the path to chivalry, which is indeed full of noble and glorious twists and turns, how easy it is for arrogance to find fertile ground. Along the path of chivalry that he has passed, he allowed his arrogance to flourish, until he has the heart to wholly squeeze out what is small in his heart. Therefore he knows that it is the arrogance of his heart that makes him refuse to accept Sukrosono, his ugly little younger brother. He regrets this, and it seems as if now he has a reason to leave his arrogance behind. He feels he has been driven away from the path of chivalry, which has led him astray because of his arrogance. Is there no longer any reason to stay there, after he realizes that Dewi Citrawati cannot become his? What else does he want to pursue?
It seems he has renounced his arrogance that made him wander in search of his honor. He is relieved, because the stone of arrogance that prevented him from admitting Sukrosono as his younger brother has fallen away. He himself does not understand why he no longer fantasizes about Dewi Citrawati, immediately he no longer feels the shame of having a younger brother who is a demon. He has time to ask himself why this is so. But he realizes that the question does not need an answer. Because the answer is already there, namely the relief he can now enjoy.
Thus he feels as though he has been freed from his arrogant past, until he does not know the difference between daydreams and the reality that he is experiencing.
He walks lightly. His feet tramples the leaves of memories that fell from the trees of arrogance along his wanderings since he left his younger brother in the Jatisrana hermitage. He hears the sound of monkeys jumping in the trees, fighting for bananas. He realizes where he has come from. From a banana, where he is the flesh, and Sukrosono is the skin. When it is still hanging in the bunch, it is impossible to separate the flesh and skin of the banana. Only when it has to be eaten, must the two be separated. His mother didn't want to separate them, so she swallowed both the fruit and the skin. His mother seemed as though she came to remind him of his birth. And he wanted to go back there, to the banana tree, before the fruit and skin were separated. This is where the longing screams loudly. And he feels that his longing can bring his younger brother, Sukrosono, into his arms. He strokes his younger brother, as he sings sweetly “Look at that kepodang bird,” and his younger brother is fast asleep in his lap. Thus he feels as though he has been freed from his arrogant past, until he does not know the difference between daydreams and the reality that he is experiencing. No kepodang bird can be seen, nor is Sukrosono there.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with Sumantri's daydream. Because thus far, Sukrosono has always come to help him, especially now when he misses him so much. Indeed, Sukrosono is never far from Sumantri. He always follows Sumantri on his journey, wherever his older brother goes. But because his older brother is ashamed to accept him, a bad demon, he always hides, so that no one knows. Even his older brother doesn't know him, even though he is always near him. Even though he is rejected, he doesn't want to leave his older brother, so he can always help his older brother at any time. And that was what he did when he saved Sumantri from death at the hands of Prabu Darmawasesa, also when he saved his older brother's face by moving the Sriwedari Garden. The help he has given his older brother has been complete on the way to his chivalry.
This article was translated by Hyginus Hardoyo.
