That night is truly terrifying. The tiny demon feels it is the time he will see the true state of his soul. His soul weeps in sorrow, and he cannot not offer it even the slightest consolation. His soul groans in loneliness, and he cannot give it warmth. His soul wails in yearning desire, and he cannot satisfy it. The sobs, groans and wails of his soul are torturing him to death.
The tiny demon is enduring the torment of the desperation of being unable to help his soul at all. He has not even a bit of consolation, joy or satisfaction. He feels he is becoming wretched before his own soul. His soul is looking to fly as high as possible, but the desire is impossible to fulfil because his body is tied to the earth, which is pulling him down, which prevents his soul from flying to the sky.
Why do I now seem to be separated from my soul?
The tiny demon feels that he is no longer strong enough to bear it all. He feels a cruel loneliness engulfing him. He ends up groaning throughout the dark night and wailing in unbearable sorrow, “Why do I now seem to be separated from my soul?”
His groans are long and loud, only to be swallowed by the silence of the night. No one hears his moans except a plaintive cuckoo perched on a tree near the tiny demon’s cave.
"I feel your loneliness because, like you, I also miss the moon, always," it seems the cuckoo wants to say to soothe the tiny demon.
Also read:
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (1)
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (2)
The tiny demon does not find respite in the sound of the cuckoo. Instead, he envies the cuckoo because, no matter how shattered it feels by being abandoned by the moon, the cuckoo will one day be able to share its compassion with the moon.
And when swaddled in moonlight, no longer does the cuckoo seem to be bothered by the darkness of the night, whereas the tiny demon feels he will be cradled by the moon no more. He is jealous because he continues to be immersed in the darkness of the night in utmost solitude and loneliness.
"Who am I, really? I\'ve been alone so long, and it is only solitude that I recognize and experience. Only in that solitude do I exist and live. Why do I now loathe being alone and can no longer bear living in solitude? What do I want, after all, when I am no longer in solitude?” wails the tiny demon.
No one can give an answer to the tiny demon\'s self-searching, except the night. And darkness is the night’s sole answer. The tiny demon feels he only has night. If anyone can cheer him up, it is the night. Then the tiny demon breaks into screams, "Sing to me, O night, so that my sorrow may be lightened."
The night does sing. It sings to no one but its own darkness. As the night is singing, the darkness is dancing. The tiny demon jerks to find out that the darkness can dance. Believe it or not, that is what he is experiencing.
The darkness invites him to join the dance. The tiny demon would love to, but he does not know how to keep up the pace. He lets himself be dragged on by the darkness dance. His legs suddenly move on their own. So do his hands and body. He swings here and there. He feels the darkness cradling and swinging him. His body seems to be moving lightly.
Why should I be swung around and drowned by the darkness?
He doesn\'t feel afraid anymore. He steps on more and more boldly into the darkness, allowing himself to be swung and cradled by it. He feels as if the darkness has an edge. Only he cannot imagine what it is like at the edge of the darkness. Now he becomes aware that the darkness separates him from what is at the edge. He is longing to go there but the only way is through the darkness. Like it or not, he has to wade through that darkness. And to wade through the darkness, he must dare to let himself drown in it.
"Why should I be swung around and drowned by the darkness?" the tiny demon wonders. There is no answer, but the darkness, which has turned into a pond, bathes him. He is cleansed and purified by the darkness.
He asks why it should be the darkness that cleanses and purifies him. Bewildered, he sees the darkness turn into a cloud that cradles him. He asks why it should be the darkness that cradles him. Bewildered, he feels the darkness blanket and warm him.
He asks again why it should be the darkness that blankets and warms him. Still wondering, he is suddenly thrown out of the darkness and falls. He finds himself at the edge of the darkness he has imagined.
This article was translated by Musthofid.
