Merlyn Sopjan, To My Family, I’m Going Home

With families’ acceptance and protection, transwomen do not need to leave their homes and go on the streets. They can have the opportunity to develop themselves positively and produce a positive impact on society.

KOMPAS/SEKAR GANDHAWANGI

Merlyn Sopjan

At about the age of 20, Merlyn Sopjan, 49, won various titles at national-beauty contests for transgender women and has since been involved in various transwomen’s empowerment programs. She realizes that she can make headway due to her parents’ consent. However, not all transwomen share the same fate. She is thus striving to secure transwomen’s unconditional acceptance from their families.

Many transwomen have fled their homes with wounded feelings for not being recognized by families. Some others may have escaped with physical injuries. They get along with countless questions passing through their minds. “What should I do so that I can go home? How should I be the pride of my family in the village? Why do they refuse to accept me?”

The conflict is like a cancer cell undermining their mental condition. There will always be something “unfinished” in the minds of transwomen unacknowledged by families. The shadow of past memories and unanswered questions makes them shoulder a heavy burden. They have no choice other than going ahead with no place to return.

What transwomen want is actually simple, which is recognition as equal fellow humans, with the same support and unconditional acceptance. They also expect this from their families.

Also read:

> Opening the Reception Room to Transwomen

> Expand the Acceptance of Transwomen

Merlyn is convinced that every being created by God is never in vain. They were born out of divine accomplishment. Just like other people, transwomen were born with their respective strengths, weaknesses and potentials.

Nonetheless, the potentials of transwomen often fail to develop because they are not yet “finished” with themselves. Families’ rejection constitutes the root of this condition.

“When families accept them, the basic human needs for affection and attention are fulfilled. Transwomen will not waste their time searching for affection. They can spend their time and energy exploring their own potential,” said Merlyn in Jakarta on Monday (25/7/2022).

Merlyn herself underwent an inner struggle for quite a long time before her family’s acceptance. She began to feel “different” as a child, but she could never define herself because public discourses about gender dysphoria and transwomen were not yet widely held at the time. With the lapse of time, she realized her female mind, but she had been physically born as a male. Merlyn kept this awareness to herself.

My dad only advised me: be an achiever so as to be appreciated by others.

When Merlyn was 21, her father asked Merlyn about her gender identity. She braced herself for an honest confession and was prepared to bear its possible consequence, such as being disowned by the family. Unexpectedly, her father accepted Merlyn’s identity, even offering her a sex-change surgery if so desired. Merlyn declined it for the reason that she already felt happy with whatever condition she was in. Merlyn’s mother had died at the time.

“My dad only advised me: be an achiever so as to be appreciated by others,” said Merlyn. “On that day, I no longer needed to keep my secret. One phase of my life was completed at 21. Thereafter, I was entering social life [as a transwoman].”

KOMPAS/SEKAR GANDHAWANGI

Merlyn Sopjan.

Seeking meaning

One year after her father’s acceptance, Merlyn won the title of Indonesian transwomen’s beauty queen in 1995. She made more of the same type of achievements in the next several years. But her father was not readily proud of her. Merlyn’s father seemed to view the meaning of achievements as something beyond physical beauty.

Although disappointed that her father took no pride in her, Merlyn continued to participate in transwomen’s beauty contests, while seeking the meaning of achievement. She joined the Malang Transwomen’s Union (Iwama) and held the post of chairperson for 15 years in the period of 1996-2011.

She was connected with so many people, made up of communities, members of the public and the government, when she headed Iwama. This gave her the opportunity to form networks and prioritize interaction between the public and transwomen. The interaction was fruitful. The public and local government unhesitatingly recognized transwomen. Despite some people’s ridicule, the awareness that one should treat transwomen as equal individuals had started growing.

Also read:

> Transwomen Show Potential and Creativity

> The Story of Transwomen Walking the Light Path in Search of God

In 2002, Iwama was appointed by the government to get involved in a pilot project of the national program for the control of HIV/AIDS. This program

had a positive impact in Malang, especially on health education. Various media covered Iwama’s activities. Merlyn then gathered clippings of newspapers and magazines with reports about Iwama.

“One day, my dad said, ‘I’ve received the reports you sent. Hopefully God will bless you. I’m proud of you.’ I promptly cried aloud. After my dad’s eight-year dearth of acceptance, he finally took pride,” she shared.

Family Forum

Following her father’s demise in 2006, Merlyn carried on her effort to assist fellow transwomen. Merlyn has now been part of the Indonesian Family Planning Association (PKBI) as a program officer for the inclusion scheme.

One of the programs implemented by the PKBI is the Family Forum. This forum arranges meetings of transwomen’s families to share information and support. Not all families understand how to face their members who are transwomen. The Family Forum also tries to lobby families in order to prepare them to accept transwomen. Such attempts sometimes succeed; at other times, they fail.

Families are also informed about gender, disability and social inclusion (GEDSI). Merlyn plans to strengthen the role of families in guiding transwomen when they are subjected to discrimination or criminalization. The training of family members as transwomen’s primary protectors has been provided in several regions since May 2022. The Family Forum managed by Merlyn can be found in eight provinces, which are South Kalimantan, Central Kalimantan, South Sulawesi, Aceh, Yogyakarta, West Java, Riau Islands and South Sumatera.

“Our aim is not to ‘make people transwomen’ but rather to remind them of the role and responsibility of families. With families’ acceptance and protection, transwomen do not need to leave their homes and go on the streets as they did before. They can have the opportunity to develop themselves positively and produce a positive impact on society as well,” added Merlyn.

Merlyn Sopjan

Born: Kediri, 16 February 1973

Achievements:

- Top 3 Saparinah Sadli Awards 2012

- Miss Indonesian Transwoman 2006

- Transwoman with achievements in The New York Times 2003 version

Career:

- Chairperson of Malang Transwomen’s Union (1996-2011)

- Program manager of HIV/AIDS in Malang (2002-2005)

- Case Manager of HIV/AIDS, Saiful Anwar Hospital Malang (2005-2011)

- Program Officer of PKBI for Inclusion Program (2014-present)

Books:

- Jangan Lihat Kelaminku (Never See My Private Parts, 2005)

- Perempuan Tanpa V (Women Without V, 2006)

- Wo(W)man (2016)

This article was translated by Aris Prawira.