After he gave the Wijayakusuma flower containing the Sriwedari Garden to Sumantri, he decided to leave Maespati. He left with sadness in his heart. Of course because his older brother always broke his promise to accept him for what he is. His older brother was always unwilling, later when his service as a knight was accepted, surely he would allow him to be near him. Now that his brother has become the chief warlord in Maespati, what else is missing for the dignity of his chivalry? Even now, he still doesn't want to accept his younger brother. He even thinks that the greater the dignity his older brother receives, the more ashamed he is of him, he who has indeed an ugly face. He has given everything out of love for his older brother, why does his older brother in his heart reject him? This is the sadness that sticks like a thorn in his heart. And with that sadness he leaves Maespati.
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The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (122)
The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (121)
He doesn’t know when his sadness will go away. And possibly the sadness won't go away. As it turns out, slowly his sadness disappears, when he puts his hope in the light of the future, and accepts his dark life from the past. Little by little his sadness appeared, and strengthened him. Since childhood, sadness had accompanied him. As soon as he was born, he was rejected, then thrown into the forest, and had to live in his solitude. In childhood he never felt the warmth of his mother. It was only through the wild animals that he suckled to get his life.
Even when he could give the Sriwedari Garden to him, he was not allowed to be near his older brother.
For a little while he was with his mother, who then abandoned him again. From his mother, he knew how much his father refused to accept him, until he had to be thrown into the jungle. He wandered in his sorrow, until he arrived at Jatisrana. There for a moment he could feel the warmth of his older brother's love. But then his older brother left without informing him of his departure. He followed his older brother, and his older brother always rejected him, then left him. With all his heart he has helped his older brother, but his older brother always refuses to accept him. Even when he could give the Sriwedari Garden to him, he was not allowed to be near his older brother. He thought his sadness would end when he could meet his older brother. He feels his brother does not want to accept him, even when he has achieved the peak of his chivalry, becoming the chief warlord in Maespati. It is clear that his older brother, who has become a knight, is ashamed to accept him, as he is a demon. That is the depth of his sadness.
From all the events and experiences he has learned, if his life goes from sadness to sadness, what else strengthens him if not the sadness itself? He no longer wants to be deceived by his hopes of joy and happiness. It is proven that his hopes only plunge him into disappointment. Now he does not want to be disappointed in his life, and for that he must accept his life, which turns out to be based on sadness. He is surprised, so that slowly he can feel his life so relieved and free.
He walks lightly. He doesn't know where he is going. For him, now everywhere is the same. It feels as though there is no longer a place to tie him. He used to force his feet to walk wherever his older brother went. Now, when he no longer pushes himself to be accepted by his older brother, he just follows his own footsteps. His legs seem to be released from the binding snare. He believes the snare to be his own will that forced him to bind himself. He walks along the banks of the Suranadi River, and the pieces of his broken dreams come here and there. Dreams that time and again only torment him. He plucks kenanga flowers as if picking up the pieces of his dreams. Then he throws the kenanga flowers into the water, and imagines the pieces of his dreams drifting with the stream of the Suranadi River. The river water continues to flow far away, and he feels that his life no longer needs to know where to anchor. When not a single kenanga flower can be seen, he is relieved precisely because he feels that it is no longer possible for him to reach his dreams. He is free, and increasingly gives way to his feet, which now feel very light because he has been released from the snares of his dreams.
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The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (120)
He continues to walk. He sees the tendrils of the jangga tree climbing the branches of the katirah flower tree. The branches look so beautiful. It would also be wonderful if he could be like those tendrils, and imagine his older brother as a twig of katirah wrapped around him. But in reality his older brother repeatedly rejects him. Now he realizes that even his love for his older brother cannot be forced. He does love his older brother, but because his older brother rejects him, his love has become a compulsion too. The love that he forces is what disappoints him. He sees the parijata tree standing majestically, and the birds making love in its branches. The birds seem to give each other love, and realize that love only exists through giving to each other, so love will not exist if it is only demanded. He realizes why his past life was hard: because he lived it through demanding love.
He feels the kepodang bird is showing the way. So he steadily walks toward the east.
He walks without asking for love. It feels like he no longer has a burden. He looks up at the bright sky. And there flies a kepodang bird. The yellow color floats, like a shawl stretching to the east. He recalls that the kepodang bird always sings to him when he misses his older brother. He wants to erase his longing. But the longing always returns. He thinks, maybe his longing will never go away, as long as he can still hear the song of the kepodang bird. He says in his heart, don't let me get lost in that thought, my sadness will come again. He then strides on, following the flight of the kepodang bird. He feels the kepodang bird is showing the way. So he steadily walks toward the east.
It feels like he's been on that road before. Indeed, that was the way he went when he followed Sumantri. Now he's back on that same path. Thus, surely the path will not allow him to leave but rather to return. Joy leaps in his heart, as he truly experiences that leaving is actually the same as coming back. He seems to be lifted into the feeling that life is no different from death. When he understands that life is no different from death, it is as if he is floating in the realm of true freedom. And when he steps back onto earth, suddenly he is standing in front of the Jatisrana hermitage, which he abandoned so long ago. Indeed, if the road to leave is ultimately the way back, where else will that road lead him, except to Jatisrana, the place where he comes from and where he was born?
(This article was translated by Hyginus Hardoyo)
