In the distance, above the peak of Mount Ganasana, the moon peeks out briefly from behind the clouds, its light giving a small sign of hope, and the fragrance of the jangga flower spreads momentarily, reminding Begawan Swandagni of the smell of Dewi Sokawati's body when they made love in the Jatisrana courtyard.
Begawan Swandagni gasps and almost without hesitation he says, “Sumantri, your younger brother Sukrosono must still be alive. I'm confident this is true, if only for this one reason. He must be alive, because he will still give me a chance to express my repentance. I believe I will still be given the time to free myself from the burden of my mistakes, so that I can follow your mother with a peaceful and serene heart.” Begawan Swandagni then goes to the place of worship. The smell of incense spreads, inviting those unseen. And a faint murmur is heard, of the hope that one day Sukrosono will come.
Also read:
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (39)
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (40)
Begawan Swandagni has reminded Sumantri more than once or twice that he truly wants to love his ugly younger brother. However, contrary to what he has frequently said, that night his message sounds like words spoken at the end of the road where the two parties prepare to say goodbye. And Sumantri accepts it as a spell that he will not forget. These words linger in his heart like the scent of the saffron that clung to his mother's chest when he suckled her breasts. Like his father, Sumantri has long since yearned for his younger brother Sukrosono.
This is the belief that burns in his heart. What now lives inside him is a simple longing to be reunited with his younger brother.
Sumantri no longer cares what his younger brother looks like, ugly or not. He only approaches it as though his younger brother is really ugly. Strangely, the more he convinces himself that his younger brother is ugly, the more love he feels for his younger brother. He does not know how it is possible for him to feel this way. It seems the feeling does not come from him, but that it spills over him like a blessing. The feeling makes him happy. He does not want to assume anymore and simply accepts his younger brother’s reality as is. Imagination or assumption can indeed destroy love, if it is discovered that the reality is different from what had been imagined and assumed. This is the belief that burns in his heart. What now lives inside him is a simple longing to be reunited with his younger brother.
Sumantri frequently goes out into the open plain, as he wants gaze at the clouds without being hindered by the trees. The clouds come and go in the sky. Will his younger brother return after he has been away for such a long time? He believes there is no use going out in search of him, because he does not know where his younger brother is. Forcing himself to go on a search will just be a waste. He looks at the clouds in the sky and entrusts his longing to the clouds. Who knows that the clouds will deliver his message of longing to Sukrosono, his younger brother?
From his father's tale, Sumantri has learned all about himself and his younger brother. He was still an infant when his mother Dewi Sokawati left him forever. He lives alone, beside his father's grief. He often feels lonely because he is alone. However, his loneliness has sharpened his emotions so he can join in the grief of his father and mother. Why did his brother, a twin even, have to be thrown away, no matter how ugly he was? This question no longer belongs to his father and mother, but is now become his own.
Because of this, the remorse of his father and mother has also become his remorse. Whenever he feels that remorse, he feels like a fallen lotus flower. And this fills him with the pain of heavy sorrow. Amidst these emotions, the desire grows in his heart to accept and love his younger brother, no matter how ugly he is. In his heart he feels that by accepting and loving his younger brother, he will be able to make amends for his parents’ mistakes and thereby eliminating their remorse.
And the splashing water seems to be a voice calling out to that whom he misses.
One morning, all is bright. The sun is slowly turning red. The birds chirp happily. Flowers bloom in Sumantri's heart. And the leaves on the branches of the kanigara tree wave, the engkuk (barbet) take wing, dispelling the murky dark left over from the night. Sumantri is silent, his mind in the shadow cast by hope. Behind the shadow he sees that whom he longs for. He chases after him, and that morning so full of hope leads him to the fountain among the bamboo reeds where his mother Dewi Sokawati used to rejoice in the clear and fresh water. Sumantri steps lightly, the fountain seems to be calling to him, to come splash himself with the fresh water. And the splashing water seems to be a voice calling out to that whom he misses.
Also read:
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (35)
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (36)
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (37)
The bamboo reed fountain is not just a place where Dewi Sokawati liked to bathe. It was also a witness to Dewi Sokawati's determination to keep what was in her womb, when she performed the ritual for the seventh month of pregnancy. Amid the spray of water she bathed in the water of the coconut that was rejected during the ceremony. According to Begawan Swandagni, this coconut could not be used, because the gods had chosen the other coconut in a sign that Dewi Sokawati would give birth to only one son. Dewi Sokawati felt compelled to take the rejected coconut to the fountain among the bamboo reeds. As she bathed there, she cradled the coconut against her chest, splashed the water all over her body and felt immeasurable pleasure, just like she did when she made love to her husband in the Jatisrana courtyard on the night of the full moon.
Dewi Sokawati believed that the rejected coconut was also part of her womb. And it turned out that she gave birth not to an only child, but twins. After that saddening event, she discovered that the rejected coconut symbolized Sukrosono, whom she had to abandon. Dewi Sokawati told all this to Sukrosono when she had the chance to meet him for a moment in Jatirasa Forest, before she had to return to her place in the realm of waiting. Sukrosono remembered and kept all in his heart.
(This article was translated by Hyginus Hardoyo).
