Once she was out of the Jatisrana hermitage, Dewi Sokawati could no longer hold back tears. Gone was the fortitude and strength she once had. "My child, why should I give birth to you when in the end this cruel fate is all you have to suffer, even when you haven't yet tasted the joys of this life?" she said, caressing her son's head.
Softly the cucur bird (gould frogmouth) made a heart-wrenching sound. On a night like this, its voice seemed to invite nature to share Dewi Sokawati's sadness. The darkness of the night deepened, as the wind made the bamboo trees creak. The squeak was the flute of nature blown with pain. The sadness of the sound was even more heart-breaking when Dewi Sokawati imagined that only death would her son meet later.
"I don't want to live if you have to die, my son. Or should we both die together? But why do you have to die?” said Dewi Sokawati. She looked at her son deeply. Because of her loving gaze, the child in front of her eyes looked so handsome and charming. Where was that ugly giant face? The face disappeared, flew away, like a kuwung bird released from the grasp of the night, as Dewi Sokawati’s gaze of love looked into the depths of the child who was about to be let go of.
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Dewi Sokawati's tears fell. The falling tears became rain that revealed the darkness of the night sky through the clouds. The tears invited the moon to shine again. The moonlight slowly came, its light gave a way for Dewi Sokawati's steps, so that she would not stumble in the darkness of the night.
Arriving at the edge of the forest, in the dim light she saw a pile of rocks on the side of the road. The dimness allowed the moonlight to give her an image of a lotus flower, which seemed to be blooming, giving hope to Dewi Sokawati who was stricken with sadness. Dewi Sokawati sat on the rock. She stared at the moon and her child in turns. It seemed she no longer saw the difference between the two. They were both light in the night.
Feeling the light, Dewi Sokawati felt at ease.
“My son, death awaits you. But, why do I feel that life will stay with you,” said Dewi Sokawati, rocking her child while looking at the bright moon in the middle of the night. Then she was hit by a question she could not explain: why, when she imagined death would soon take her child away, did she feel so sure that life was actually trying to pick him up?
She felt that as her child’s death was so close to life, in such a condition her child seemed to have obtained an extraordinary power to defend himself, without being bothered by life and death.
"My son, soon you will be separated from me. Before I leave you alone, taste the full milk from your mother's breasts. This milk is the only thing I can give you right now,” said Dewi Sokawati. She opened her breasts and put them in her baby's mouth. The baby soon suckled hard.
Dewi Sokawati did not feel reluctant at all, seeing the giant baby pressing its mouth to her breast. She only felt how happy it was to be a mother, who could give her child the milk of her life. Seeing that love, the moon also crept down slowly. The moonlight hit her breasts. They turned into a pair of cengkir gading (yellow coconut) that fell from the beautiful clouds. And so, the giant baby suck the breast as hard as he could. Surprisingly, Dewi Sokawati felt that it was the moon that was suckling her breasts. Dewi Sokawati was becoming more and more happy as she felt like she was giving her breasts to the light that dominates the universe, while the universe was in the dark of the night.
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“My son, it’s you that sucks my breast. But why do I feel it’s the moon suckling my breasts? Is there a moon in you?” asked Dewi Sokawati to herself, feeling happy to be able to breastfeed the moon. "I can't imagine I've ever breastfed the moon. Now it has happened. What do I mean for this moon? I was willing to give up everything if the moon wanted it. Take it all from me, my son."
Dewi Sokawati let her baby suckle her breast as much as he could. The faster the child suckled, the more radiant the moon became. And Dewi Sokawati felt that her breasts were being caressed with bright strands, like the leaves of a Sarasija flower that blooms at night. This feeling reminded her again of when she was brought a young, unbroken coconut, at a ceremony for her seven-months of pregnancy.
My son, it’s you that sucks my breast. But why do I feel it’s the moon suckling my breasts? Is there a moon in you?
She took the young coconut to the bamboo reed shower and snuggled it against her chest while she was completely naked in the light of the full moon. She felt immense pleasure, as before when she made love with Begawan Swandagni in the Jatisrana courtyard. The pleasure culminated when the young coconut broke and the water splashed, feeling fresh on her body. All those feelings came back now, as she breastfed her child, like breastfeeding the universe.
This article was translated by Kurniawan Siswoko.
